That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
