Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
