HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
