Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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