I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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