She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
