Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
