I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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