Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
