My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
