Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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