This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize