Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
