THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
