I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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