Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
