you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
