I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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