I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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