we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
