How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
