I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
