it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
