No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
