Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
