Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
