The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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