The best revenge is premature balding
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
