tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
