Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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