I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
