whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
