WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
