I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
