Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
