i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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