Sponge bath it is.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
