Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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