Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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