I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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