I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
