Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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