You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
