i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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