my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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