My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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