I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
this will be a night to untag.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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