Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
