i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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