Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
