Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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