He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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