Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
